To Celebrate You

Tomorrow is the birthday of someone dear to my family and I . An amazing person for which I am and was forever changed the moment we met. It is true that love changes you. Not for the fact that we were in love but best friends who truly liked each other and hanging out together and making dreams come true side by side.



All the songs he taught me on his bass. I was his worst student. But I LOVE when he would let me jam with him and how he would just high 5 me and smile. Like he was proud. The concerts and music festivals we went to . The shows he was in. I always dreamed of having a musician husband. He would blow kisses to me from stage, wink, or give " the smile". Never wanting to feel like a groupie I was often seen toting his bass bag on my back in stilettos and dresses. Sitting next to Wyclef Jean and watching him play. And then hanging out with Wycelf a bit after the show. SOOOOO FUN!!! Thanks Babes. My private concerts. For this one moment again I would trade a millions of others... I used to sit on my knees backwards on our couch and he would sit behind the couch and play back for me for hours on ends. Some nights I would sit and other nights I would do ballet on the hardwood floors and as he played he would watch, and as I danced I would watch him. He said I reminded him of Moonlight Sonata... We would imagine our Afro haired babies rocking out backstage at a show. Once he said "When he plays the Hollywood Bowl I would be front and center". I knew then he was in it for life. His favortie Beach Boys song was " God Only Know", I can barely listen to it. We loved each other and each others art.



We sort of grew up together. A person changes a lot between 21 and 27. We had experiances that changed and challened us as individuals. We managed to keep growing together but never in eachs others shadow. He was quiet. Not dumb or uninterestiing. Just quiet. He did not waste time with small talk with anyone. Not that he was rude he just wasnt about face or false pretense. Jonathan was so loyal.



We had started looking at rings. I would show him the things I thought were cute. We went to Tiffany a few years before. And I sent a few emails from Tiffany as well. He like and approved my choice. But he still would see me looking and remind me that I like tension set too. He was a sweet man. I was excited. It was a matter of when and where.



The week leading up to his death I called him everyday several times a day and told him that I just needed him to know how much I missed him and that I would be back up north in a few weeks. I tried to get him to come down here and he tried to get me to go up there. In the end we decided that a couple weeks wasnt that bad. We were going to napa for my bday.

***I began to write this a May 14th. I needed a way to celebrate his life and our love. This is incomplete and most like nonsensical but it had to get out. ***

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14 days until Jonathans birthday.
How this makes my heart ache.
He was my bread.